“People keep stealing my energy.” “She is such an energy vampire.” After doing this lightworker thing as long as I have been (since at least 2002), I’ve noticed that there are certain milestones that most people cross along their spiritual journey. Talking about “energy vampires” seems to be one of them. And it makes sense how this would come up: First, you learn that you have this thing called “energy.” Then you start to notice that you don’t always feel like you have enough of it. Or you read that the problems you’re having are because one of your chakras is lacking energy. But you don’t know enough about energy to understand why you’re missing some… …until you hear someone else talking about “energy vampires” – that is, people who seem to suck the life out of the people around them. And you think, “Ah yes, that must be it. Someone else must be draining my energy.” Naturally, you start to wonder who the energy vampires are in your life, and as soon as you start to look you absolutely will find them – because the reason that the words resonated with you in the first place is because people actually are sucking the energy from you. Yes, I did confirm that: People are actually sucking the life force out of you. But here’s the part I absolutely will not validate: the idea that you are a helpless victim in this scenario. The surprising truth about energy vampires is that they are able to take your energy because you unconsciously agree to it. As someone much wiser than me has said, “There are no victims, only volunteers.” Of course, no one willingly gives up their life force, so what we’re talking about – them sucking, you agreeing to let them – is all happening on the subconscious level. You, of course, have been unaware of this. My goal is to help you be aware, so that you can find your power to stop this pattern. The big question is, Why? WHY would you agree to let anyone take your energy? And the big answer is, Because there’s something you want more than your own energy. The big answer is ALWAYS, because you secretly crave their love and validation. You give away your energy to others, hoping that in turn they will love you, recognize you, believe that you’re worthy of their attention. There are many ways that you might cooperate with an energy vampire:
You might be inclined to deflect, asking, “But what about their role, Christina? Why aren’t you telling them to stop ‘vampiring’?” There are two reasons:
Have you ever felt completely drained, depleted, and exhausted around a particular person, for no apparent reason?
If so, you may have come across an energy vampire.
And they’re more common than you think as they dont even know themselves they are a energy vampire...
If you feel perpetually “sucked dry” by certain people in your life, it’s time to get help.
An energy vampire is a person who feeds off your emotional or psychic energy. People who display energy vampire traits generally lack empathy, consideration, and/or emotional maturity. As a result of the pain or insecurity they feel inside, energy vampires are addicted to preying on the vitality of others as an attempt to heal their inner suffering.
Essentially, an energy vampire could be anyone such as a friend, family member, colleague, acquaintance, child, son or daughter, or even a romantic partner. If you’re a highly empathetic caring person, it’s also possible to actively attract energy vampires into your life. Unfortunately, if you’re a highly sensitive person who doesn’t know how to set boundaries, it’s quite likely that you’re already surrounded by energy vampires left, right, and center.
Energy vampires are attracted to you because they unconsciously desire to resolve a deeper problem within their psyches — and they perceive YOU as the solution to their problems.
While it’s easy to feel resentful towards energy vampires, it’s important to remember that they haven’t developed the capacity to deal with their issues yet.
Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain. However, the important thing to remember is that you are NOT responsible for resolving their issues. THEY are responsible for sorting out their struggles.
Often, an energy vampire leaves us feeling so drained that we are incapable of taking care of ourselves. As a result of constantly interacting with an energy vampire, we might feel chronically fatigued, depressed, anxious, irritable or angry.
It’s vital that you learn how to “draw the line” and set boundaries around these types of people. Without learning how to identify the different types of energy vampires in your life, it can be difficult for you to practice self-nurturing and assertiveness.
Here are the six main energy vampire types out there:
Victim or Martyr Vampires prey off your guilt. Victims/Martyrs believe that they are “at the mercy” of the world and suffer primarily due to other people. Instead of taking self-responsibility for their lives, Victim/Martyr Vampires continually blame, manipulate, and emotionally blackmail others. The dysfunctional behavior of the Victim/Martyr Vampire is due to their extremely low self-esteem. As their issues most likely stem from a lack of love, validation, and approval as children, Victim/Martyr Vampires feel fundamentally unworthy and unacceptable – and they try to resolve this pain by underhandedly gaining sympathy/empathy from you by making you feel guilty.
How to nurture your energy: When you’re around a Victim/Martyr Vampire, be aware of their self-pity cues. For example, a self-pity cue could be the person’s tendency to blame another person for their suffering, or perhaps a description of how terrible their day has been. Don’t get involved in their self-pity. Limit your interaction with them if possible.
A Narcissist Energy Vampire has no capacity to show empathy or genuine interest toward other people. Narcissist Vampires carry the unconscious philosophy of “ME first, YOU second.” Therefore, Narcissist Vampires will constantly expect you to put them first, feed their egos, and do what they say – no matter what. Narcissist Vampires will also manipulate you with false charm, but will just as quickly turn around and stab you in the back when the fancy strikes them. If you have a Narcissist Vampire in your life, you might feel a sense of extreme disempowerment as you feel crushed beneath their limelight and self-absorption.
How to nurture your energy: If you’re unable to cut away this person from your life right now, try to limit contact. You could also show the Narcissistic Vampire how your requests satisfy their self-interest, particularly if you’re in a working relationship.
Dominator Vampires love to feel superior and like “alpha” males or females. Due to their deep inner insecurities of being “weak” or “wrong” (and therefore hurt), Dominator Vampires must overcompensate by intimidating you. Often Dominator Vampires are loud-mouthed types of people who have rigid beliefs and black-and-white perceptions of the world. They are often racist, sexist, homophobic, and/or bigoted.
How to nurture your energy: Agree to disagree. Practice calm assertiveness when necessary and limit your contact with Dominator Vampires. Realize that their attempt to scare you is sourced from their deep fear of being dominated and thus hurt.
The Melodramatic Energy Vampire thrives on creating problems. Often, their need to create constant drama is the product of a dark underlying emptiness in their lives. Melodramatic Vampires also love seeking out crises because it gives them a reason to feel victimized (thus special and in need of love), an exaggerated sense of self-importance, and avoidance from life’s real issues. Another reason why Melodramatic Vampires enjoy creating drama is that the negative emotions that they feed off are addictive (such as anger ).
How to nurture your energy: Refuse to take sides or be involved in the Melodramatic Vampire’s pot-stirring. Pay attention to the patterns in their behavior and the triggers that make you want to get involved. Create distance and remove them from your life if possible.
Due to their severely low self-worth the Judgmental Energy Vampire loves to pick on other people. Their treatment of others is merely a reflection of how they treat themselves. Judgmental Vampires enjoy preying on your insecurities and bolstering their egos by making you feel small, pathetic, or ashamed.
How to nurture your energy: Remember that true self-worth must come from within. Refuse to take what the Judgmental Vampire says personally. Be aware of their deeper pain and their need to feel good about themselves. When you get defensive, you lose. Keep a balanced head, and try being sweet to them (that really throws them off balance!). Reduce, or cut off contact with them if possible.
Energy Vampires aren’t always malicious, as is the case with Innocent Vampires. Sometimes they can be helpless types of people who genuinely need help such as children or good friends who come to rely on you too much. It’s wonderful to help those you care about, but it’s also important that you encourage them to be self-sufficient. Playing the role of the constant “rock” or support will eventually erode your energy. As a result, you’ll have little energy to support yourself.
How to nurture your energy: Helping those in need is a display of compassion and love, but you also need to remember to love yourself. Gently remind the Innocent Vampire in your life that you need time to yourself as well. Encourage them to develop strength, fortitude, and resilience so that you can remove the role of constant caretaker or giver.