Hello from a Lost Soul

[Lunestia]

Hello everyone, first off I want to state that I am bloody terrible at these things. I'm Lunnesia (Luuh-Nehs-Sea-Ah), You can call me Lunae for short. I'm a 29 year old female. 

I want to warn you this will be lengthy. I tend to put in too much information, I will do my best to cut it down after first type. Doing an introduction is always so nerve wracking, especially in the kin community. I've been in and out of the kin community for the last... pft... at least 16 years? Maybe longer. More out of it then in honestly. I mostly kept to myself and just tried to use resources on my own. The reason for this because honestly I've had a very bad experience among the community. I can get into that later though.

I guess I should start at the beginning. At the age of 13 or 14, somewhere around there. I started to notice I was different somehow. The person who I saw as my guide pointed me to the Kin community. Of course, he could have been wrong. Doesn't seem like he was. When I first entered the community I did a little research on everything. Nothing too in depth or extreme. I came to the conclusion that I felt closer to Fae then anything else. This is where it all starts to go wrong. I asked that community for advice on learning more about Fae. Someone told me to go watch Lost girl. Back then I was naïve and didn't realize that kind of thing is a big no no.

(TW: brief mention of Domestic Abuse) I didn't get much farther before the next chapter of my life began. I ended up moving to another state, far from "home". I moved to my ex, who I had met in that kin community. Ends up they where a semi-violent schizophrenic and abusive. I was stuck with them for 4 years. Stockholm syndrome and the fact I was also thousands of miles from home, with no real family to speak of. Getting out took me a long time and it really messed me up. I walked away with C-PTSD. During my time with him, He spooked me and I yelped really loudly. He then pointed at me and said "You are a fucking fox!". I'd apparently yelped so loudly that it had hurt his ear drums. From that point on I'd started to fixate on Kitsunes. I had also remembered the first time I saw a real fox. It felt like my whole being, soul and all had frozen over. I always had had a serious love for Japan's too. I'd watched anime since I was very young. I wanted a Kimono badly, loved Japanese food and had always wanted to go to Japan. All these things made me feel more and more cemented in that identity. I got away from him in 2017 finally. 

Fast forward to 2019, the aftermath of my abuse was brutal. It negatively affected my mind. At this time I was taking a year off from working to try and deal with my trauma. I hadn't been given time after getting away from my abusive ex. My new room mates finally allowed me to do so, bless their souls. Right when I was ready to go back into the world... Covid hit. I had already been keeping to myself for a year. I spiraled, I honestly think everyone did. It was a tough time for everyone. I had a memory surface that I thought was some form of warrior angels. Which brought me into looking into Divine things. I think this is where my fixation on ancient mythologies started.

I had always loved Greek Mythology in school. I started looking into it again, I'm not sure what spurred it honestly. However I didn't just stop at Greek, I went much farther. Mesopotamia, Roman, Shinto, Egyptian and so on. I skipped over Celtic and a few others. I don't know why but I'd guess it's because they didn't pique my interest as much? At some point during lockdown it went sour. My brain went from "Oh this is fun to research" to "Oh I have to be one of these Deities." I'm not sure what caused it. I think someone I was in contact with started pushing that I was a Goddess. It's honestly a pretty foggy time in my mind. 

I somehow ended up in a "closed community" aka a secret community. They promised they'd help me figure out who I was, and force my awakening completely. The alarm bells should have gone off there, or at least with the crazy conspiracy theories. However in my state it didn't, it took me over a month to realize I had joined a fucking cult. I ran for the god damn hills and didn't look back. At that point I decided I was done, I didn't care who I was anymore. I wasn't a deity and I didn't care. I didn't care what I was, was correct either. I had been identifying as a Kitsune for the majority of my life. It was like slipping back into a comforting bed of lies. 

It's been about a year and a half since then. I think the deity thing was me wanting to be someone "important"... so my suffering in this life meant something? I don't know if that makes sense, it's what I had realized later. I don't care about power, or fame or anything like that. I just want to find who I am at my core.

So that brings me to the here and now. Not too long ago I realized my strong connection to Japan, Foxes/Kitsunes had faded completely. I wasn't sure when it had started or why. Then one day I was like "Oh, what if something new awakened? Something stronger?". 

A few months ago I picked up a fiction book and the main character was a Fae. I felt a connection to it, it was loosely built off actual mythology. As time went on, I started to remember some dreams and visions I'd had in the past. So it's brought me back full circle to Fae. I did a lot of reading on Celtic mythology, the Tuatha Dé Danann stood out to me. I don't think I'm one of the Tuatha Dé Danann themselves, like the deities. If I am a Sidhe, I'm either a Dioane or a Aes. I am not a Leanan, I do not have psychic vampire traits. I can take energy if I want too, but it is not a requirement for me. 



Let me get into why I believe there is a high chance I'm a Sidhe. I am not originally from a physical body. Being in a physical body feels wrong to me, I'm definitely some kind of spirit. I bump into things all the time, like I should be going through them. Eating doesn't feel bad to me, but I'm a foodie. Sleeping is also something I have serious troubles with, it's been a life long problem. I also have what feels like phantom wings? However I don't think they are functional wings? I am unsure. I did look into Angels/Divine due to it actually. I also feel more Fae then Elven, I've never felt a super strong connection to Elves in modern depictions. The other reasons would be my various visions. I'll copy paste it here...

______
"I was some noble or maybe even a princess of the Fae. Walking along the beautifully colored brick roads. The bricks where hues of reds, yellows and oranges, the sidewalk was big, enough to accompany one car but there where no cars. The houses where beautiful, they where like reverse tear drops almost, with the points at the top. I couldn't even tell you what type of material it was made of. It looked almost wooden, like a whole tree had been turned into a house. The bark moved along the shape of the house. I was walking down the street with another women, I guess she was a maid? I'm not sure but I treated her like my best friend. We would be greeted by people we passed, gentle chatting and then continue on. The trees where also gorgeous, shades of red, oranges and yellows again. Some trees had pinks and purples, others blue and green. It was a very strange place honestly, but not in a bad way. It was like a world where nature, magic and the people lived in harmony. Ofc we also had pointed ears. Waking up from that was caused severe culture shock."
______

When I first woke up from that dream I swore I was an elf like female with golden fire red hair and green eyes. However later I had another vision that might prove that wrong. The reason I might have assumed I had those, is because that's my make up in the physical realm. This next one is a vision I had. Very clear, very vivid.

______
"I walked into what seemed to be like a war tent. The main tent from what I could tell. In front of me was a male with honey golden brown skin, pure white hair, golden slit eyes and white wings on his back. I knew I was the same coloration as him. I was wearing armor that seemed to be from semi-medieval times?"
______

I've had a few more visions since then about being a warrior of some kind. Having wings, so on so forth. However a lot of those don't have actual images. It is hard for me to get visions, which is part of why I've probably been lead astray. I have a lot going on in my brain at any given time. Meditation is hard, but it's getting easier.

As you can see I've been through a lot. My journey has been rough to say the least. I am happy to have found a community of pure Fae that still exists. So I guess to wrap things up, I'm here looking for guidance. If anyone has advice, resources or anything like that on Sidhe or Fae they think would be helpful to me. Or even just generalized advice. A lot of the resources we had 10 or even 5 years ago are gone. It's becoming harder and harder to find information.

Thank you for reading, I did revise this three or four times to cut it down. I apologize for how long this is. I figured I should just be forthcoming with what I've gone through, and where I stand. Putting these things out there does make me a bit nervous... However these new things with Fae have started to surface. I obviously need some help and guidance. Also now seeing a licensed Therapist to help with my trauma. I am doing a lot better then I once was. I am safe, happy and getting healthier. 

Thinking about it now I feel I left a lot out... but I can't place it.

Edit: Should I create a separate discussion about what I've learned about myself? My feelings, my visions and such? My dreams and phantom limbs? Thanks.

[Morell Sunweaver]

Hello, new friend!

Sorry for not responding earlier, I was on a week trip and I'm still getting back into my standard life rhythm.

I'm sorry that you had been through so much, while just honestly trying to figure yourself out. This world just loves to use that honest need to lead people away from the truth about themselves by giving them answers they want you to believe rather than actually helping. The truth is that the truth is within you, not around you. You can see it reflected in people, but when you want to truly know yourself, you have to work with yourself, not with others. They can just give hints and advises from their own experiences, but they are not you.

Feel free to post your experiences as much as you want, The few of us that actually are here, will surely read them and some of us will also comment.

Yes, be sure to find yourself a good Therapist. If you want someone here to talk to, you can talk to us. There's me, an elf with a lot of issues :-), Vlada, an old soul with a lot of experiences and advises he can share, Tara Pelton, who is a lot about fae and Tuatha de Dannan, and few others, Including Steve, our cute human esoteric spammer, always filled with love. 

[Arethinn aTinderel]

Let me get into why I believe there is a high chance I'm a Sidhe. I am not originally from a physical body. Being in a physical body feels wrong to me, I'm definitely some kind of spirit.

I get this as well as sidhe, for what that's worth.

[Lunestia]

Oh that's completely fine, of course. I hope you had a good trip and it was enjoyable!

Yeah, the world really likes to keep throwing me curve balls. Thankfully I am now in a safe environment with my twin flame. He has helped me heal so much it's unbelievable! Sadly he is not awakened and I'm starting to think he is not meant to awaken in this life. Which is completely fine, he keeps me grounded honestly.

I have without a doubt had a lot of people have taken me way off course. I've honestly been all over the place at this point. Therian, Kitsune, Demon, Dragon, Nymph, you name it... and a lot of those where encouraged by outside forces. They all took me far away from Fae, minus the Nymph but that was short lived. Thankfully putting everything down for a year and a half... and coming back into it with a fresh face, without much guidance has landed me here.

I did get a good therapist! It's actually kind of ridiculous how it happened. I use a site called ZocDoc, my SO suggested it. I set up an appointment with a therapist that looked good, only to get an email a day or so later to call them about my insurance. I had put it in wrong on the site so they needed more info. Ends up I had booked the psychiatrist, aka the doctor that gives medication. I wanted the psychologist, so I scheduled to see her instead. It was a completely blind appointment, I didn't have a page on her or anything. Ends up we click completely, she has recovered mostly from her C-PTSD. So she understands the condition, it's really hard to understand if you haven't experienced it. Things have been working out great, we're still at the point of building my life story. So we can finally get into the deep stuff later. 

I may vent at some point about some things yeah. 

Morell Sunweaver said:

Hello, new friend!

Sorry for not responding earlier, I was on a week trip and I'm still getting back into my standard life rhythm.

I'm sorry that you had been through so much, while just honestly trying to figure yourself out. This world just loves to use that honest need to lead people away from the truth about themselves by giving them answers they want you to believe rather than actually helping. The truth is that the truth is within you, not around you. You can see it reflected in people, but when you want to truly know yourself, you have to work with yourself, not with others. They can just give hints and advises from their own experiences, but they are not you.

Feel free to post your experiences as much as you want, The few of us that actually are here, will surely read them and some of us will also comment.

Yes, be sure to find yourself a good Therapist. If you want someone here to talk to, you can talk to us. There's me, an elf with a lot of issues :-), Vlada, an old soul with a lot of experiences and advises he can share, Tara Pelton, who is a lot about fae and Tuatha de Dannan, and few others, Including Steve, our cute human esoteric spammer, always filled with love. 

[Lunestia]

Thank you for this little tidbit. It does make me feel better. I've been reading some stuff and stumbled upon Kimber’el Eventide. She has little cute articles that explain different elven soul types. Her Angel Elf soul type says Sidhe are Angel Elfs. That resonates with me pretty heavily, I know other places say we are fallen angels who fell to the earthly plains, rather then hell. However I don't think I'd consider myself a fallen?

Arethinn aTinderel said:

Let me get into why I believe there is a high chance I'm a Sidhe. I am not originally from a physical body. Being in a physical body feels wrong to me, I'm definitely some kind of spirit.

I get this as well as sidhe, for what that's worth.

[Tara]

Hello my love,

what a beautiful letter !
thank you for writing it.

you are not alone.

I believe what is happening with you is that you are experiencing multi dimensional realities

and in that light what you are experiencing is normal - a sort of awakening of sorts 

in the sense that you are awakening to different dimensions of self. 
I understand because it happened to me too and after writing books and meeting people here I saw it was not uncommon experience. The connection to Celtic may be a sort of DNA aspect for want of a better explaination. It is hard to explain in terms of this world — like trying to draw you a picture of a dimension beyond third. Like I can’t draw the fourth dimension because it’s so incredibly different. 
may I assure you your feelings are valid and real and not to worry about yourself.

may I urge you to protect your sensitivities and develop your “magical” skills or spiritual skills through art, music, dance, health and nature love - in the Eastern traditions this is yoga. One of the lovely types of art many of us do is called geo art. That’s creating in nature through art, movement or objects creation or  singing, etc
May I ask if you have other questions? 
if you feel you are Faery you definitely are. And my friend Arethinn is also lovely and does also do divine timing and  guidance. As far as ptsd this is not uncommon because it is so harsh on Earth but can be processed xoxo
xoxox

Tara

[Lunestia]

Thank you very much for your kind words, and you are welcome. I am glad to know I am not alone.
I'm not quite sure what you mean by "experiencing multi dimensional realities" though? Do you mean I am in this one and another one simultaneously? If so that wouldn't shock me, I get touched spiritually on a regular basis. However I have no idea who or what is touching me. One of them I recognize as my Twin Flame, who is thankfully here in this world with me now. 
The DNA connection doesn't surprise me, I don't know if I wrote it in there... but I am from the House Duncan line. Albeit I am disconnected from that part of my family... or well any real family sadly.
Thank you for telling me my feelings are valid and real, it does mean a lot to me.

What type of sensitivities are you referring too? Magical? Energy? I used to do art constantly till my abuse, it made me muse crawl into a hole. She pokes her head out on occasion but it's rare. Lately what I've been doing most is photography. I showed Morell some of my photos earlier. I may upload them here later on once I get a working artist watermark I like. I may look into Geo Art, that is something I've never heard of. It does sound intriguing to me.
Are there any kind of exorcises you'd suggest for a Fae trying to build their magical and psychic abilities?
I do feel feel I am Faery, I am just unsure what kind... I'm hoping someday to understand which. Arethinn is here? I may send them a message if they are willing to help with such things.
Yeah, I was born into a very, very, very rough life... I've had it pretty bad.

Tara said:

Hello my love,

what a beautiful letter !
thank you for writing it.

you are not alone.

I believe what is happening with you is that you are experiencing multi dimensional realities

and in that light what you are experiencing is normal - a sort of awakening of sorts 

in the sense that you are awakening to different dimensions of self. 
I understand because it happened to me too and after writing books and meeting people here I saw it was not uncommon experience. The connection to Celtic may be a sort of DNA aspect for want of a better explaination. It is hard to explain in terms of this world — like trying to draw you a picture of a dimension beyond third. Like I can’t draw the fourth dimension because it’s so incredibly different. 
may I assure you your feelings are valid and real and not to worry about yourself.

may I urge you to protect your sensitivities and develop your “magical” skills or spiritual skills through art, music, dance, health and nature love - in the Eastern traditions this is yoga. One of the lovely types of art many of us do is called geo art. That’s creating in nature through art, movement or objects creation or  singing, etc
May I ask if you have other questions? 
if you feel you are Faery you definitely are. And my friend Arethinn is also lovely and does also do divine timing and  guidance. As far as ptsd this is not uncommon because it is so harsh on Earth but can be processed xoxo
xoxox

Tara

[Tara]

Oh my gosh I am so glad you are there.

It is very very good you are here with us. 
I’m so sorry for the abuse you’ve endured

Of course you know that self healing is a process and a doctor who addresses physical aspects 

which includes the brain, nervous system and so on

But you are asking about you, the soul, your travels and experiences as a soul

and soul self discovery

The soul - you - is very grand, expansive and possibly unlimited and a bit incomprehensible from within a body.

Kind of like This: imagine the whole cosmos planets, stars, space.  Now see earth. That would be a comparison: your soul being cosmos and your body being Earth. Or imagine a tree with its roots and leaves, your earthly orientation being one leaf. Or one pebble in a flowing stream. You, a tiny pebble being awake and fully conscious of its experience.  But now the pebble is convinced that it, the water on it, the movement in the stream - the sunlight or darkness, wetness, is all there is.

so now you, the pebble, realized there’s so much more…and that consciousness is not limited…and that there’s so much more to discover about who you are. Maybe feels a bit uncomfortable to now realize you’re so much more! 

It is not possible to explain all in a post. 
obviously I wrote books to try and convey all of this through poetry. Now I teach using mainly art, movement yoga. Thinking poetically makes it a bit easier, or with art which has so many aspects beyond the physical,

so here for now I recommend some guidance for you — same as anyone here would agree

- find a way to connect with nature. that’s what Faery life is all about and source of your magic
breathing consciously is first. Just breath through nose consciously. 
be in nature in a way you can do easily and safely

do some art of any kind such as music listening or singing, dance, geo art such as placement of sticks or rocks in decoration

you will make the connection and hopefully you can touch the earth directly with your feet to get grounded.

In yoga there is a practice called Bhakti which is connection to god/gods/universe beyond just one aspect of ourselves  - the pebble in the stream. Whatever is meant by this to you —— the universe, the forces of nature, or the Faery elementals in the forests, water, wind air sky, earth. Whatever is feeling for you. If you are inspired then express your love and gratitude in your art or song. 
Making this connection even if for a few moments at a time should help you feel much better sooner. 
I would love to see your photographs and art. 
many friends here at Elven world are wise and know these things too. 
love, Tara

[Lunestia]

I am too, it's been much needed rest, security and love for a weary soul.
I'm glad to be here as well, things are starting to finally make sense. I really am starting to see that I am a Fae. 
Also it's alright, well I mean it's not but... it's in the past and I'm moving forwards so there is that.

Healing is a very long process yes, I did some on my own and finally hit a wall. I could no longer move fowards on my own. I needed professional help to keep healing and getting better, which is what I'm doing now. It's a slow process but it'll be worth it.
The space and earth metaphor did help me, I didn't realize it was quite that vast. I think I'm in for more of an experience then I originally thought. I'm kind of happy to know there is so much more to me, I think most people would be scared... however I find this fact calming. Like a confirmation of what I already had a feeling about? If that makes sense. 
A book to convey all of that through poetry?.. I may have to buy that. It sounds beautiful even as just an art form.

Be in nature and consciously breath through your nose... and play with your environment and make art... I will try to do that once things cool down. It's been so unbelievably hot over here the past few weeks, mid summer for you I guess. 

The breathing through your nose thing kind of reminded me of something I read in uh... where is it... Ah! The Psychic energy Codex, by Michell Belanger. Ah yes here it is, page 77. It's talking about the Taoist Walking Meditation. How doing this can make you much more in tune with nature, with energy intake and everything. Just a bit before this she was talking about how you can consciously take in energy with your breathing. The same kind of way as consciously breathing. I think I need to read more of this book. 

I also own the Psychic Vampire Codex by her, I'm not a Psychic Vampire myself but it did teach me a lot of things. The energy ball exorcise was the first thing that proved to me there is more to this world then what meets the eyes. Her books are very good from what I see, I own three of them. However I haven't even touched the third one.
If you have any other book suggests for me, please let me know.

Taking off my shoes, yeah. That reminds me that I used to walk down the river in my forest almost daily... I wore a type of sandals called Tivas. They have a fabric strap just below your ankle, another one over the top just before your ankle and another one just a bit before your toes. So it keeps your feet comfortably and securely in them, while also letting the open air hit your foot. I used to walk in the water of the stream like that. That place was my safe haven growing up. Sadly I no longer live near there, I currently live in a pretty large city. They are doing construction around us to add more nature paths in front of the buildings... but that won't be done till next year.
However there IS a natation park nearby we have a yearly pass too. So once things cool down I think we'll head over there and find a nice cozy spot.

Bhakti sounds interesting, I haven't been into Yoga before but... a lot of things in my life are changing. So maybe I should look into it. Do you have any guide or article one it you personally would prefer to share? Or does general research work?

Thank you for spending your time typing all this. There is another discussion I posted you might be interested in: https://elvenworld.ning.com/forum/topics/what-i-experience-requesti...
Tara said:

Oh my gosh I am so glad you are there.

It is very very good you are here with us. 
I’m so sorry for the abuse you’ve endured

Of course you know that self healing is a process and a doctor who addresses physical aspects 

which includes the brain, nervous system and so on

But you are asking about you, the soul, your travels and experiences as a soul

and soul self discovery

The soul - you - is very grand, expansive and possibly unlimited and a bit incomprehensible from within a body.

Kind of like This: imagine the whole cosmos planets, stars, space.  Now see earth. That would be a comparison: your soul being cosmos and your body being Earth. Or imagine a tree with its roots and leaves, your earthly orientation being one leaf. Or one pebble in a flowing stream. You, a tiny pebble being awake and fully conscious of its experience.  But now the pebble is convinced that it, the water on it, the movement in the stream - the sunlight or darkness, wetness, is all there is.

so now you, the pebble, realized there’s so much more…and that consciousness is not limited…and that there’s so much more to discover about who you are. Maybe feels a bit uncomfortable to now realize you’re so much more! 

It is not possible to explain all in a post. 
obviously I wrote books to try and convey all of this through poetry. Now I teach using mainly art, movement yoga. Thinking poetically makes it a bit easier, or with art which has so many aspects beyond the physical,

so here for now I recommend some guidance for you — same as anyone here would agree

- find a way to connect with nature. that’s what Faery life is all about and source of your magic
breathing consciously is first. Just breath through nose consciously. 
be in nature in a way you can do easily and safely

do some art of any kind such as music listening or singing, dance, geo art such as placement of sticks or rocks in decoration

you will make the connection and hopefully you can touch the earth directly with your feet to get grounded.

In yoga there is a practice called Bhakti which is connection to god/gods/universe beyond just one aspect of ourselves  - the pebble in the stream. Whatever is meant by this to you —— the universe, the forces of nature, or the Faery elementals in the forests, water, wind air sky, earth. Whatever is feeling for you. If you are inspired then express your love and gratitude in your art or song. 
Making this connection even if for a few moments at a time should help you feel much better sooner. 
I would love to see your photographs and art. 
many friends here at Elven world are wise and know these things too. 
love, Tara

[ënagualí~ᏉLAᗪἇ ኔጡ።]

Ahh someones a 'seeker soul'....and a 'P' shifter otherkin....especially when you mentioned the phantom limbs at the end of the page..

Abuse comes in many formats and can leave lasting impression in ones mind for years if its allowed to,even causing mental illnesses one wouldn't think could came from forgotten child trauma..However nature made feelings: to help us process the shocks of life. When we take in shock, we release it through our feelings. Its one of nature's gifts to get us through hard times...Repressing feelings isn't healthy and will backfire up your ass end sooner or later...your safe in here to just simply be yourself and release what ever you want, we are all good communicators I think..
So get the feelings out, dont be ashamed or fearful and your on your way to a better life...If you have grown up in a broken home by the sounds of things and its effected you to this extreme in not knowing who you really are to seek out differing things you think you are..then I suggest you think to yourself what things are worthwhile to you to hold onto, that's all that matters right...praise yourself and feel proud of who you are and what you did yourself to grow & move forward...and to how your still here and living still..And yes along came Covid & it made it worse..

Restore your inner felt ease & feeling in each moment. Relieve your stress and the harmful effects of anxiety and fear. Maximize the healthy balance of your daily life even in the midst of rapid change in reality and this felt uncertainty.

Well also remember how that old saying goes, nothing can hurt you if you don't allow it to,or that you dont let it get under your skin...I know that's easier said than done in many cases,cos its happening to you...but if you take the notion onboard and think it when ever anyone says or does anything that's in your eyes really cruel and of no benefit to you as a human to better yourself,like its not going to help you in anyway, then let it run off your back like water does on a ducks back,that's the other saying most will say in this situation..

The USA is filled with some seriously mentally sick & horrid minded folk and loads of them get online too & go to that facebook and just mouth off at people,cos they can get away with it...there will always be the negative haters, ..I've had my fair share of debates & horrible things thrown my way since getting online,sometimes I only have to open myself up and I be forthright and I get myself banned from websites by their controlling sick minded admins that realise they arnt gonna control me..seriously its horrible when you cant speak your own truths and your judged & persecuted for simply sharing..people these days are unable to actually see people for how they share stuff either,see their energy signature or they cant just flow and have a general conversation.

Talk your heart out as they say when you feel safe..ad I'm sure you'll find that in here..I'm always ope to a good natter and can share some rather interesting info on my past lives & reality & I assure you I'm fully sane,I even have a certificate to say so....as I'm termed as a wounded warrior healer... as Morell mentioned a extremely old soul in a younger body these days lol.. I live in Aotearoa - New Zealandia the land of the long lost cloud..its paradise on earth,home to the filming of LOTR.. dont forget  Ametrine too Morell she's also got some wonderful things to say & share on Fae shes a soul kin to myself...shes on holiday right now,but she'll be back after school holidays..